It can be hard to cut people out of your life. It can be hard to move out of your comfort zone. It can be sad to say goodbye to certain people or things. It can be difficult to turn your back on things you once had so much time for. Luckily for me I have done all these things and they have been some of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
1. Leaving Loreto
I moved school after I did my Junior Cert. At the beginning of secondary school I really enjoyed it and all through the three years I was in the sports teams and loved it. However, things got a bit silly and there were petty teenage girl arguments. I decided to move not because of anyone but because I knew I wasn’t happy there anymore. I knew that if I wanted to do well in school and be happy and make something of myself that moving would be the best option. It was. I became myself, I grew up so much and I let go of all the silly things I’d been clinging onto. I met some of my best friends and had the best two years with them. I am still friends with the majority of the people from my old school and it all worked out so well.
2. Poisonous People
Something I used to find so hard to do was cutting toxic people out of my life. It can be difficult to just cut someone off even if they are taking every minute of your energy. It can be even harder to notice that someone is toxic. Until I looked around and realised all the things that had changed for the worse, all the people I had lost and realised that I didn’t even recognise who I had become I didn’t even notice that there were toxic people in my life. Then I thought about it all and realised how toxic certain people in my life really were. I realised that toxic people make you toxic. They can twist things and manipulate things and suddenly I was ready to cut them out of my life. So I did. I can decide who I let into my life and who I spend my time with. It’s one of the best feelings to know that I decide who influences me and I am in control of my own thoughts and the decisions I make.
3. Comfort Outside my Comfort Zone
It’s so easy to slip into your comfort zone and just stay there. It’s fine to just stay there doing the same thing every day with the same people talking about the exact same things. Some people enjoy that. I find it so boring. I try and do things all the time that will take me out of my comfort zone. Because my comfort zone is boring. It’s lying in bed, watching the Kardashians and eating. It’s spending time with the same people every day in the same village I grew up in. It’s repetitive and it’s ridiculously boring. Moving country, moving to a city where no one knows me, writing about my personal experiences and putting it on the internet for anyone to see are all things that once used to be completely out of my comfort zone. But doing all of these things and jumping so far out of my comfort zone have changed me in so many ways for the better. I want to travel and take risks and do something different every day. Life is way too short to be afraid of leaving your comfort zone, of making decisions that change your life and one of the worst things I could spend my life being would be being ‘comfortable’.
4. Forgiving For Freedom
A few months ago someone took it upon themselves to turn my life upside down. Of course they didn’t see it this way and they just seen it as a “moment of madness” and they didn’t know what they were thinking that morning at 8:30am when I had just come to do my job like every other day. They just thought that this was a perfectly valid excuse and a perfectly fine reason for trying to do what they were going to do. I was angry at this person for months. I lost a lot because of what ‘nearly’ happened, because of what he ‘nearly’ did. Luckily I knew that I was in a position that something horrible could’ve happened and I was able to rely on my mum as usual. Then after months of being angry I decided that it wasn’t worth it. I just decided to let it go, to forgive it. It didn’t affect him. He moved on, he let go of it and he was living his life like normal. So why shouldn’t I? I still wouldn’t ever have respect for this person. But for myself, for me to move on with my life and grow from the experience instead of letting it control me, I forgave. I forgave someone because the bottom line is that he is and always will be an idiot. By forgiving and letting go of that experience I got my confidence back and I realised that we don’t forgive people for them, we forgive people for our own happiness.
5. The Hardest Goodbye
In the last few months I’ve grieved a lot (that’s a story for another day), but letting go of grief and saying goodbye to grief is hard. It’s hard to finally accept that the people you love so much are gone and they won’t physically walk in the door again. It’s hard to say goodbye to them. I went for a run on the beach at the end of August and it was such a nice day. I was went over and sat on one of the rocks and just started speaking out loud to my Dad and to my Granda – sounds crazy I know. This is when I let go of the grief though. This was me moving on, letting go of all the anger and accepting what happened. It was the most amazing feeling. I remember saying that I wanted to move on from grieving for them and start living my life properly. I know they will always, always be there everywhere I go, whenever I need them. There comes a time when you have to accept it, you have to let go of all the bad feelings and you have to say goodbye to the pain. It is definitely and will always be the hardest type of goodbye. But letting go of the grief helped me realise that I can move on without them physically being there and that I don’t have to feel guilty about it. I know now that there will always, always, always be a good in every goodbye.