Believe. Breathe. Believe Some More.

I know people say ‘believe in yourself’ all the time. We hear it so much that it starts to sound like it’s an easy thing to do. In my experience there are three stages to believing in yourself that prove it’s one of the hardest things to do but it’s the best thing to do…
1.       Before you Believe in Yourself
I have always tried to be a confident person but sometimes life throws things at me that make me doubt myself. It’s so easy to sit there and think that I’m not good enough to do well in something, it’s so easy to stay in bed because I don’t want to try something that I might fail at again. When I came back from Aberdeen I had no confidence in myself. I was constantly avoiding people because I was embarrassed and I didn’t want to tell them I dropped out. I constantly felt like I had let myself down and that I had just given up easily. I was a completely different person. I went from being a girl who literally didn’t care one bit what anyone thought of me to avoiding any chance of conversation with people because I was afraid of what they thought. I had my lowest moments because I didn’t believe in myself. Anytime I was told to believe in myself I would try but once you get stuck in the cycle of negative thoughts it’s a very, very tough cycle to break. But after trying and trying for months to find something that made me believe in myself again I finally did. I started writing a diary and finally a positive thought came and I held onto it. I started to believe that I could take a chance on something and I might not fail.

2.       While you’re Believing in Yourself
So when I started believing that I might not fail, I started convincing myself that I wouldn’t fail. I started finding that confidence in myself again. I completely surprised myself when I started a job that wasn’t a complete disaster (apart from the left handed brush incident), I applied for college again and I started to change the way I thought about myself. I noticed a change in my attitude towards everything. I started looking forward to new things and meeting people again. I noticed that I had the control to decide if I was going to think negatively or positively about myself. (Trust me thinking positively about yourself is so much better). I didn’t notice that I was believing in myself until I started this blog. I sent my sister the very first blog I wrote and told her what I was going to do. It was two in the morning and she said ‘I think it’s a good idea but you should sleep on it’. Usually I would’ve taken this as a ‘she thinks it’s a bad idea, I’m going to forget about it’ – but this time it was different. There was no feeling of doubt. I was so excited and posted it the next day. I finally realised that yes it’s a good feeling to have my sister’s approval but I actually do believe in myself enough that I don’t need anyone’s approval.
3.       After you’ve Believed in Yourself
Best. Feeling. Ever. Everything changed for the better just because I believed in myself. I have so much confidence in myself. I have so much faith in other people. I try my best and put all my effort into everything I do. I believe in myself enough to know that even if I do fail at something I am strong enough to bounce back again. I am able to control any doubts I have. I’m not saying that I never have anything negative to say or that negative thoughts never cross my mind – they do and they probably always will… but I’m saying that I don’t believe in those negative thoughts anymore because I trusted myself, I put myself out there and I believed in myself. I don’t look back at dropping out last Christmas as a bad thing anymore. I tried something new, I moved to a different country just after I lost one of the most important people in my life and no it didn’t work out. But I believed in myself enough to make the decision to leave. I knew that’s what was best for me.

So even when I thought I hadn’t any confidence in the decisions I made – I was wrong. I knew something wasn’t working out and I believed that there would be something better around the corner. It wasn’t easy. Nothing that will change your life ever will be easy. But I wouldn’t change any of the things I went through to get to where I am now. So whether you want to be a footballer, a singer, a nurse or whatever else – there are going to be struggles and there are going to be things that you have to face that you won’t want to deal with. But when you look back and remember all the things you’ve come through it makes it a tiny bit easier to realise that you can get through whatever obstacles are in your way. When I get faced with hard decisions or those thoughts of ‘I can’t do that’, I stop and remember that I’ve have gotten through the deaths of very close people, I have hit rock bottom and came back a stronger person. I got through some of the hardest things that life could throw at anyone – it was a struggle, it was scary and it changed me but these things made me a better person. These things helped me to believe that I can get through anything and that I can do anything I want to do when I just believe in myself.
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